Stab vests and our northern neighbors

One of the more amusing moments of the planning process came when stories about the infamous World Cup stab vests hit the news.  (If you missed it: a London-based company, capitalizing on fears of safety in South Africa, marketed a “stab-proof vest” to World Cup attendees.)

I received more than a few links about the stab vests forwarded to me by friends – some concerned, some amused – in the days that followed. The situation created an opportunity to explain the reality behind the fear mongering.  If nothing else, the stab vest uproar gave me the platform to convince a few acquaintances that the perception of South Africa as dangerously unfit for tourists is largely overblown.

As well as a chance to laugh at my (Canadian) boss and my (Canadian) coworker.

Boss: Well, you certainly can’t get the American flag on the front of your stab vest!  You don’t want ‘em to know that you’re American!

Me: We won’t actually be buying a stab vest.

Boss: You could get the Irish flag.  You look Irish.

Me: Ireland didn’t actually qualify?  So I’m not sure I could get the Irish flag on my stab vest?  The stab vest that I’m not buying.

Boss: No, Switzerland!  Switzerland, of course.  Switzerland is neutral.  You should get a neutral Switzerland stab vest.

Coworker: Canada.  Can you get a Canadian stab vest?  Everyone loves Canada. Everyone loves Canada because we are essentially powerless.

Boss: True!  We could teach you how to be Canadian.  We can tutor you!

Me: We won’t be getting a Canadian stab vest.

Coworker: You won’t need a stab vest!  We’ll get you a Molson t-shirt.

Boss: And a Tim Horton’s t-shirt.

Coworker: And some things from Roots.

Boss: We can work on your vocabulary.

Coworker: Tell people you’re from Trahna.

Boss: Get that?  Not To-ron-to.  Trah-na.

Me: Trah-na?

Coworker: When you’re going to the bar, say “let’s get some beers.”

Boss: Not beer.  Not singular.  That’s the key.

And that, friends, is how to stay safe in South Africa.  Not beer.  Beers.  And throw on some red and white while you’re at it.

You’re welcome for saving your life.

ne of the more amusing moments of the planning process came when stories about the infamous World Cup stab vests hit the news.  (If you missed it: a London-based company, capitalizing on fears of safety in South Africa, marketed a “stab-proof vest” to World Cup attendees.)

I received more than a few links forwarded to me by friends – some concerned, some amused – in the hours that followed. What could have been an annoyance was an opportunity to explain the reality behind the fear mongering.  If nothing else, it gave me an opportunity to convince a few acquaintances that the perception of South Africa as dangerously unfit for tourists is largely overblown.

And it gave me the chance to laugh at my Canadian boss and my Canadian coworker.

Boss: Well, you certainly can’t get the American flag on the front of your stab vest!  You don’t want ‘em to know that you’re American!

Me: We won’t actually be buying a stab vest.

Boss: You could get the Irish flag.  You look Irish.

Me: Ireland didn’t actually qualify?  So I’m not sure I could get the Irish flag?

Boss: No, Switzerland!  Switzerland, of course.  Switzerland is neutral.  You should get a neutral Switzerland stab vest.

Coworker: Canada.  Can you get a Canadian stab vest?  Everyone loves Canadians.  Everyone loves Canadians because we are powerless.

Boss: True!  We could teach you how to be Canadian.

Me: We won’t be getting a stab vest.

Coworker: You won’t need a stab vest!  We’ll get you a Molson t-shirt.

Boss: And a Tim Horton’s t-shirt.

Coworker: And some things from Roots.

Boss: We can work on your vocabulary.

Coworker: Tell people your from Trahna.

Boss: Get that?  Not To-ron-to.  Trah-na.

Me: Trah-na?

Coworker: When you’re going to the bar, say “let’s get some beers.”

Boss: Not beer.  Not singular.  That’s the key.

Coworker: It’s foolproof.

Advertisements

2 responses to “Stab vests and our northern neighbors

  1. I’m pretty sure I missed this post one hundred years ago, but I just caught myself laughing out loud. By myself. Typical. Miss you girls!

  2. Yes, 100 years ago, indeed! We miss you, too, Amy dearest!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s